nothing to say

I really don' t have much to say. But I feel I should say something, because I pledged long ago that if I was going to have a blog, I would not have blog lags. I hate blog lags. But now I understand them better.

Sometimes I have a zillion things I want to say and write about and regret that I don't have the time to. Other times I have all the time in the world, but I can't commit to one topic. Too often I get into the habit of just treating this like my daily diary, but that's not all that conducive to improving my writing or even keeping it sharp. And I'm sure it's not highly entertaining to read. But it's therapeutic, so that counts for something.

And I guess I could really use some therapy today. Every aspect of my life is really quite great,. I sailed through most of the day so happy--i worked at my friend's boutique, which I love doing; saw all our preschool friends with our first day back to school; got a couple of late Christmas gifts in the mail; had a playdate with a new neighbhor and thier 4 year old son. All good. Except the fact that our Seattle-area house STILL sits on the market. And it's 2008.

Two sets of bills, two mortgages, two sets of home improvement costs; two things that are very difficult to afford on one income. And I shouldn't complain, because we are able to do it. We're draining our savings in the process, but I know I should feel very fortunate that we can do it. Because as I posted yesterday, there are many people worse off. And I could still be sitting my ass in an apartment with plates that spark in a microwave. So yes, I'm thankful too.

But for me, money is security. I grew up without a lot of it. And I like to have much more than that. I don't like chipping away at that security net. And month after month our net is getting smaller. And I hate it. It makes me nervous. It makes me obsessive. And I shouldn't be. We're fine. But we worked hard to have some security, and it's going to take so long to build it back up.

So while I do my best to count our blessings, and I do, I really do; at the end of the day I can't get this huge white elephant out of my mind--out of my life. We've been patient. We've believed everyting happens for a reason. We've said our prayers. We've been pretty damn (I mean darn) good people. It's our turn. This house has GOT to sell. We're dropping price again this week. It's depressing. But if it sells our house, then so be it. I'm ready to move on with our lives.

So see, this post is nothing you haven't read about from me a zillion times. But at least it's not a lag, right? And I feel a little bit better.