Friday, October 24, 2008

ups and downs

this week has been exhausting and good and scary...then rinse and repeat. mostly it's been good--saw an old friend, pb's in a good place, I've felt pretty good for the most part, though more tired than I had been.

then i had my dr. appt. yesterday and it all fell apart--my blood pressure was up to the highest level it has been, and I just lost it ... AGAIN. I think I freaked my doctor out though he hasn't suggested therapy ... yet, suprisingly. everything else looks good, so i'm trying to focus on that--can I tell you how many times a day I examine my ankles for swelling?. The crazy thing is that when i took my bp myself at my gym a couple of hours after the dr.--it was back to down to where it's been--at least 15 points lower than the dr. office. so i know i'm stressing myself out and of course stress about that. So i'm trying to focus on the fact that this is all out of MY hands. All I can do is take care of myself and get rest, etc. but really other than that and being vigilant (which is totally stressful for me)there's NOTHING I can do. So that's that. Maybe once I get past the point in this pg when PB was born (next week), I'll feel more relieved...I don't know. I do have another ultrasound next week, which I pray shows the baby is still growing great. If it does, that will do a lot to reassure me too. If only I could just relax and enjoy all of this...

I am looking forward to this weekend. a little shopping tomorrow, then meeting a friend for dinner and a movie. do you have any idea how long it has been since I saw a movie?! sunday we have a picnic for PB's school, which should be fun. I also have a stack of magazines up to my neck and a book I'm dying to read (Julia Glass's new one!) so I'm going to make time for those as well. ... and, of course, a little work. because all play and no work makes me ... even more stressed out come Monday :) have a great weekend!

1 comment:

redheadmomma said...

This may sound a little silly, but I'd suggest that you put up little visual reminders like "Relax & enjoy this special time" with a smiley face right by your computer, by the bathroom, anywhere you want. It just reframes your situation and reminds you that it's all okay. You are doing fine! Do positive affirmations NOW to get out of the stressed-out mindset you're in, because you don't want to be stressed out and then have guilt piled on top for not enjoying this time, even a little. Go put those signs up!