I think to some degree you can.
It's always bothered me that my family (husband included) says things to me like "they look like someone you would be friends with." Even our current realtor characterized me as someone who wants to be around "people with an edge".
And while there's an element of truth there, it makes me wonder how superficial I may appear at times (and I know I am a little bit on the surface, but really I do seek depth and goodness in people first and foremost). I have friends who come in all shapes and sizes with all sorts of lifestyles and beliefs. Sure I'm attracted to those who like fashion and have good haircuts, but just because you like them doesn't mean you can afford Christian Louboutin shoes or that you actually have anywhere to wear them while raising children. I'm not a snob. My friends could be dowdy or frumpy and never venture out side the Old Navy walls, but if they can appreciate the art of the "good" designers and covet them right along with me, then who cares if we hang out in the park in Gap head to toe. And really, even if they don't, I can forgive their lack of love for my love if they are interesting and passionate about...well, anything--running, reading, sewing, art, scrapbooking, yoga whatever.
When it comes down to true friendships, though, I need more. I can hang; I can have playdates; I can return occasional phone calls with any reality-tv-watching, book-reading, wine-drinking preson, or turth be told, any parent of a child in the range of 3-6 who my child likes and isn't the spawn of a freak . But I won't really invest in the realtionship unless there's something more, something deeper. I don't like bobbing around the surface for long; I'm a deep sea kind of friend despite what others may think.
Since my picklebug (PB) started swimming lessons there's been a mom I spotted who "looks" like someone I might connect with. Today we did. We discovered that we both have sons who were born under 2 pounds. We both had preeclampsia. We both went through hell, but have incredible children who survived and are thriving .
It appears she has a lot of friends already, which means she's probably not actively seeking new ones. But we'll see. I'm patient, not pushy. To connect with someone who has been through what we've been through would be great. And besides, she had on some great Prada shoes the other day.
P.S. just another aside, it's sooooo hard for me to acutlaly hit publish because I want to work and rework this piece until perfection. BUT i won't. I'm trying to treat this as a writing exercise and going for quantity over quality. There's just so much more to say... which I will do in another post--e.g. how your children's taste in friends and yours can GREATLY differ!